Dogs, Cats, Other Animals Quotes

The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principle difference between a dog and a man.

If a dog jumps onto your lap it is because he is fond of you, but if a cat does the same thing it is because your lap is warmer.

Dogs will give you unconditional love until the day they die. Cats will make you pay for every mistake you've ever made since the day you were born.

Man is a dog's ideal of what God should be.

You want a friend in Washington D.C.? Get a dog.

Two fleas meet in the street. One says to the other, "Do you want to walk or catch a dog?"

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.

Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

Money will buy a pretty good dog but it won't buy the wag of his tail.

"Doctor, I just can't stop believing I'm a dog." "How long has this been going on?" "Since I was a puppy!"

Joe Thomas still enjoyed chasing girls when he got to be seventy. His wife was asked if she minded. She answered, "Why should I be upset? Dogs chase cars, but they can't drive!"

No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.

Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.

A dog will sit beside you while you work. A cat will sit on the work.

Dogs have owners, cats have staff.

If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat.

If the earth were flat, cats would have pushed everything off by now.

Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want.

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn no other way.

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.

A tomcat says to a female cat, "For you I would die." The female asks, "How many times?"

A mother cat yelled at one of her kittens for coming home late. The kitten said, "Can't I lead one of my own lives?"

The flood ends. Noah tells all the animals to leave. "Go forth and multiply," the patriarch says. Two snakes lag behind. Noah asks why they don't go off. The snakes answer, "We can't multiply. We're adders!"

The male porcupine said to the female, "I do love you, but I can't stand to be hurt again!"

The day came and Noah brought the Ark to a standstill on Mount Ararat. The animals debarked. Two elephants walked off. Two lions. Two tigers. Then four gnus came down the gangplank. A spectator was surprised to see four animals of one kind. Noah explained, "You see, first there's the gnus and then there's the bad gnus!"

All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.

If called by a panther . . . don't anther.

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophiliac, but that would be beating a dead horse.

Live so that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.

Animals are such agreeable friends - they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms.

The dinosaur's eloquent lesson is that if some bigness is good, an over-abundance of bigness is not necessarily better.

Men should stop fighting among themselves and start fighting insects.

We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on all our picnics.

A mother skunk was always in a panic because she couldn't keep track of her two tiny ones. One was named Out and the other In. When Out was in, In was out. One day she saw Out but couldn't find In. She told Out to go out and bring In in. In about twenty seconds, Out brought In in. Surprised, the mother skunk asked, "How did you find him so fast?" The tiny skunk answered, "It was easy - In stinct!"

During the Stone Age, a young male dinosaur asked a young female dinosaur to become his betrothed. She said, "I accept on one condition. I want to be married by the Iron Age. I hate long engagements!"

Two guppies were flitting about in a tank when one of them announced that he no longer believed in God. The other guppy was aghast and said, "All right, don't believe in God, but then you tell me who changes the water!"

A lion and a rabbit walked into a restaurant. The rabbit ordered a nice salad. The lion shook his head. He didn't want anything. The rabbit explained to the waiter, "Look, if he was so hungry, do you think I'd be sitting here?"

I was surrounded by a bull and a lion. I shot the lion first, because I could always shoot the bull!